Following our recent blogs on why children and teenagers feel almost compelled to be on the same social media platforms as their peers, this week we're exploring the links between likes and validation.

Children, like people of all ages, seek validation and likes on social media for a variety of psychological and social reasons. This need for validation and positive feedback can be particularly strong during adolescence, a period of identity formation and social development. Here are some key reasons why children may seek this kind of attention from both their peers and total strangers on social media:

Social Acceptance: Adolescents are in the process of forming their identity and often seek affirmation from their peers. Receiving likes and positive comments on social media can make them feel accepted and validated by their online community.

Self-Esteem: Positive feedback on social media can boost a child's self-esteem and self-worth. Each like, comment, or share can provide a sense of accomplishment and approval, reinforcing their self-image.

Peer Comparison: Adolescents frequently compare themselves to their peers. The number of likes and followers they have can become a measure of social status and popularity, which can lead them to seek more validation through these metrics.

Attention and Recognition: Social media allows children to showcase their talents, achievements, and interests to a potentially vast audience. Receiving likes and positive comments can give them a sense of recognition and attention they may not receive in other aspects of their lives.

Emotional Connection: Social media can provide a sense of connection and belonging. Likes and positive comments can be seen as expressions of friendship and support, which can be emotionally fulfilling.

Reinforcement of Behaviour: When children post content and receive positive feedback, it reinforces the behaviour of posting and sharing more content. This cycle of posting and receiving likes can become habit-forming and increase the desire for validation.

Peer Pressure: Many children may feel pressured to conform to social norms and seek validation in ways that are consistent with their peer group. This can include posting certain types of content or aiming for a specific level of engagement.

Dopamine Release: The act of receiving likes, comments, or shares on social media triggers the release of dopamine in the brain, which is associated with pleasure and reward. This can create a sense of instant gratification, reinforcing the desire for more likes.

Validation of Identity: Children use social media to express and experiment with different aspects of their identity. Likes and positive comments can validate these self-expressions, making them feel more secure and comfortable in their identities.

It's important for parents and guardians to be aware of the desire for validation on social media and to guide children in using social media responsibly. Encouraging a healthy balance between online and offline activities, discussing the potential impact of social media on self-esteem, and promoting self-worth based on internal factors rather than external validation can help children develop a more positive relationship with social media and a healthier sense of self-esteem.

Are you seeing the same in your children? Are these posts useful to you? As always, I'm keen to hear what you think and to answer any questions you might have. Please leave your comments below.

Yours Socially

M

I moved house at the beginning of the school holidays and whilst our new home is nestled in the most idyllic of rural locations, it has caused some frustrations for my children. Despite moving to a larger house, where they now all have their own and much larger rooms, there has been one thing on their minds since we started unpacking. "When will we have WiFi?" Sadly, it has taken over 10 weeks to get the necessary fibre cables installed to where we are and to get them hooked up to the house by our internet provider and in that time I have seen first hand the anxiety that our children go through as a result of essentially feeling the need to live their lives online.

It got me thinking, so I put my own kids to work helping me to understand how and why these things can be so important to them and their friends. Children, like people of all ages, can become obsessed with social media for a variety of reasons. It's important to note that not all children are obsessed with social media, and the extent of their engagement can vary greatly from one individual to another. However, we were able to establish very early on some common factors that can contribute to a child's obsession with social media:

1. Peer Pressure and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out): Social media platforms are often used by children to connect with friends and peers. The fear of missing out on what others are doing or saying online can drive them to constantly check and engage with social media to stay in the loop.
   
   
2. Validation and Likes: The feedback loop of likes, comments, and shares on social media can be highly rewarding for children. Each like or positive comment can provide a dopamine rush, reinforcing the behaviour of posting and checking for updates.
   
   
3. Identity and Self-Esteem: Social media can be a platform for self-expression and identity formation. Children may become obsessed with crafting and curating their online personas, as it can be a source of self-esteem and identity validation.
   
   
4. Entertainment and Distraction: Social media platforms offer a constant stream of entertaining content, such as videos, memes, and games. Children may use social media as a form of entertainment and a means of distraction from boredom.
   
   
5. Peer Comparison: Children often compare themselves to others on social media, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or a desire to compete. This can drive them to spend more time on social media, trying to measure up to their peers.
   
   
6. Communication: For many children, social media is a primary means of communication with friends and family. They may feel the need to be constantly available and responsive to maintain their social relationships.
   
   
7. Influence from Influencers and Celebrities: Many children follow influencers, celebrities, or online personalities who can be highly persuasive in promoting certain products, lifestyles, or ideologies. This influence can encourage obsessive behaviour.
   
   
8. Cyberbullying and Drama: Negative experiences on social media, such as cyberbullying or online drama, can lead some children to obsessively monitor their accounts for any signs of trouble or harassment.
   
   
9. Addictive Design: Social media platforms are designed to be addictive, using features like endless scrolling, notifications, and personalized content to keep users engaged. Children, like adults, can become addicted to the platform's design.
   
   
10. Lack of Boundaries: Some children may not have clear boundaries or rules regarding social media usage from their parents or guardians, leading to excessive use and obsession.
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It's been an interesting few weeks since the boys have returned to school and an eye-opener for me as someone who also works in a school as a guidance counsellor. Seeing how children often cannot cope without the reassuring warmth and occasional buzz of a mobile device in their pocket, even in a school environment where mobile phones are essentially banned. So I've been thinking recently about how we marketers have a responsibility to this generation and how we should perhaps be helping parents understand their children's behaviour online and how it affects their behaviour offline.

It's clear that to address concerns about children's obsession with social media, it's essential for parents and caregivers to educate them about responsible online behaviour, set appropriate limits and boundaries, encourage a healthy balance between online and offline activities, and foster open communication about their online experiences and challenges. Additionally, promoting activities that build self-esteem and self-worth offline can help reduce the need for validation through social media.

It's going to prove to be a hard habit to break, so what else should we be doing? I'd love to hear your thoughts, let me know in the comments.

Yours Socially

​M

On this day last year, I awoke having spent the night alone in Basingstoke and North Hampshire Hospital’s Cardiac Care Unit having suffered what they could only describe as a ‘significant cardiac event’. I was alone as Covid-19 protocols prevented any visitors and my wife was needed at home with our five children, all of whom must have been as scared as I was. All things considered, I was very lucky, have a lot to thank the NHS for and have been fortunate to have made a pretty much full recovery.

But that fear has remained. The fear of it happening again, of leaving my wife without a husband and my children without a Father. I think back to only a few years before when I lost my adoptive Father and remember feeling similar fear then. It hit me hard. I gave up everything that ever had any meaning. I stopped playing rugby, I practically ended my own business within days. I just gave up and gave in to the fear and let it take me.

I almost did the same thing a year ago. I almost let the fear win and came very close to giving up again. I came very close to quitting my work at school and whilst I’ve never mentioned it to any of my colleagues, I almost didn’t turn up at school for the first day in September. At the same time, I declined the social media speaking gigs that I’d been approached for in the new year and I didn’t make any effort to find any new gigs.

I’ve spent the last 12 months living in fear and I’ve spent a lot of my time considering how it affects me and others. It must sound like a pretty morbid fascination to anyone else, but it’s made me consider a lot of things. It’s also made it increasingly apparent that we all live with and often act out of fear. How many times do we stop ourselves from doing something new or exciting because we’re afraid of what might happen?

Because that’s the thing I’ve come to realise. Whether we admit it or not, whether we like it or not, we human beings are practically designed to consider the frightening possibilities of our actions, decisions or what might happen. We’re evolutionarily programmed to look for the bad things and actively encouraged by the news, media and marketing to give in to it. It can be as simple as the fear of missing out (FOMO) or as terrifying or neurotic as leaving our homes for fear of what might happen.

Our whole lives have been built around the fear response, already present in our instincts, fed by our parents as we’re told what might happen if we touch a hot plate for example. School, college and University all add further fear in relation to failure or meeting expectations, or not being able to take the next step. That next step is often the world of work, where more fear is piled upon us. What happens if we get fired or made redundant? How will we pay our mortgages? How will we support our families? We make major life decisions based on fear almost every single day.

Today the news, television and social media are full of fear. Rising prices, inflation, cost of living increases, the war in the Ukraine, energy costs, food shortages, water shortages and reports on every kind of crime you can think of. All valid concerns, don’t get me wrong, but all designed and pitched to us to provoke a fear response. To make us act out of fear.

A few years ago, before my father died, before my cardiac event, I was fortunate enough to work with a fantastic group of people who essentially taught me to ‘feel the fear, but do it anyway’. They might realise from this post who they are, and I massively regret failing to put that into practice since learning it. But now I am vowing to put that into practice every single day and I’m every single area of my life. I let fear get the better of me and I’ve carried it around lick a rock weighing me down for long enough. I’ve allowed it to get heavier and to trip me up too many times.

I’ve worked long and hard at this and now it’s time to start making moves and making things happen. I don’t expect it be easy, but it is going to happen. So if you feel in future that I’ve changed, I really hope I have. Likewise, I know there must be plenty of people feeling similar fears every single day and if you’re one of them, then I want you to reach out, because I want to help you. I mean that, please feel free to chat, message, email or drop me a line through my website. This is step one.

Step two is going to require a little more work, but inspired by my friends Maiko Sakai and Baiju Solanki, I’m intending to propose an alternative to the fear-driven marketing that has become so prevalent in our society. I’m working on a more respect-driven model and they have both encouraged to flesh the idea out into the chapters of a book. Something else that I’d always let fear stop me from doing.

I’m hoping to share more about this idea of respect-driven marketing as I go along, so please keep an eye out for any posts as I’d value any feedback or discussion as I take this forward.
From now on, I am ’feeling the fear, and doing it anyway’.

I hope you’ll join me.

Yours Socially

M